Tammie Haveman is a follower of Jesus, wife, mother, and blogger. Her Facebook profile is filled with sweet photos of her children and photos of her and her husband, Dave, smiling together.
It would appear that Haveman has a pretty picture-perfect life. She even recently posted on Twitter, “Today Dave Haveman and I are celebrating twenty years of marriage. He is my best friend, my biggest cheerleader.”
You would never have guessed by a quick glimpse into her current life that she and Dave were at one time close to divorce. Instead of hiding that part of their lives in the dark, she has exposed the hard truth that helped save their marriage into the light.
The Havemans were the “quintessential Christian couple” who loved Jesus. They read books together, prayed together, and expected to “nail this marriage thing.”
They had the fairy-tale wedding. Life was not happily ever after, though.
Their marriage was filled with conflict, misunderstandings, struggles to deal with old baggage, and selfishness. Tammie and Dave were miserable.
Their faithful friends, however, pulled them away from the edge as they spoke loving and truthful words. Before making the plunge into the waters of divorce, the couple slowly opened up to family and friends about their consideration of divorce.
The overwhelming message from friends and family was “not on our watch.” Tammie Haveman wrote, “Looking back, Dave and I marvel that no one…NO ONE…told us what we wanted to hear or let us off the hook of the commitment we made.”
One of these truths was not measuring the value of their marriage purely on romantic feelings. Instead, they realized that love looked a lot more like commitment and hard work even when the feelings were not there.
If you are struggling in your marriage, surround yourself with friends and family that will speak truth into your marriage. Maybe, you are that friend who needs to pray over your friend’s marriage, or be the one to pull a friend away from the edge of divorce when everyone else is encouraging her to jump.
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